please appreciate what you have now

this message is dictated to the people who do not serious and responsible in a relationship. I feel so angry when i see a friend who always use "break up" as an alibi to attract her bf's attention. i really feel sad and empathy for this guy because he treats my friend so well, and my friend still behave like child, always say something to hurt him. more accurately she just treat this relationship like a game where she is the Queen to dominate in that "game".The problem here is that my friend (the girl) she knows that she will hurt her bf, yet she still doesn't stop her childish behaviour, keep on her "game" as a Queen. I really wish my friend can be more considerate and understand her bf's situation because i don't want to see any of them get hurt. As a gf, i know it is so bad to always lie and say something hurt people. if you really love him, please stop this stupid "game". Just be like other couples because you're not a kid anymore. you know you're doing the wrong thing why don't you correct it????I'm fed up to listen what you're talking about. Lies everywhere and everytime!!!

new semester

feeling bored now, so i just do something which haven't do for a long time. blogging is still my favourite way to express my feeling.i feel upset recently because i'm getting busy with my studies. this results in limiting myself from seeing him. both of us are busy but it seems that i'm the only one feeling lonely. i want to know what he is busy with, but i not dare to ask. i still feel that it is his business,i shouldn't ask more or bother him. Sometimes just feel bad that i miss him, but i dont want to disturb him. i will ask myself some stupid questions: does he miss me too while he is studying? what does he planning to eat as dinner? does he concerns about what i have for meals? and then i will ask myself to stop thinking. i'm busy too, i have many things to do. why am i so concern about him. he is elder than me, he will take care of himself. i don't like the feeling that i miss him. hate this feeling...i plan on visiting Toronto during the winter, but i think it might be canceled. i really wish to travel with him before we apart.i want to have more and more memories traveling with him while we're together. i was disappointed when i knew that he couldn't make it to Toronto this December...new semester is just a nightmare for me. however, i know i must experience this anyway...just hope that i can get used to it, dont miss him too frequent and the end of each semester come faster.

Rain rain~please come ASAP~

it's been a while since my last wrote. i'm so disappointed today because i canceled to visit a strawberry farm outside of Edmonton city. i planed to visit there few days ago since i received an email from Kin about the trip. i was really looking forward and excited to visit that farm because it is a free trip + there is not much chance to visit farm without the organization of some association. haiz....i was really disappointed...But because of the forest fire in BC, whole edmonton covered with strong smoke smell and haze...the visual ability also dropped till very low degree. i hate this haze because it might affect my summer trip to Banff and Jasper with friends. i really hope the trip is still going as there will be not much chance to go with my seniors as they are graduating next year.Mr.Rain, please faster visit Edmonton and Miss Wind, please blows in another direction, brings all the haze away from Alberta. i will appreciate that so much!!

a boring day~

hmm....Starcraft 2 has an impact on my life now because it has "partially" taken Mr. jy away from me...oh well,this might be a good thing for me so that i can focus more on studies to write my essay :)
i'm not jealous or what, because i let him play as long as he doesn't obsessed to it which means he won't play until forget to eat and sleep. sometimes i also show my temper and acting "jealous" just to upset him, because i'm too naughty!hehe :P
since i'm just taking one course for this term, i have much time to practice or improve my cooking skills!so,i stored a lot of food in the fridge so that i can cook it whenever i feel bored. i've tried to make a lot of "home-style" food such as steamed eggs with pork ground,fried fish, pork chop, fried bihun and so on...haha!!guess who is my "white rat"???haha!of course is my poor Mr.Jy lor~haha...okla, so this is what i do when i'm bored!cooking,facebooking,reading books,and sometimes blogging :P
what a relaxing summer for me!!haha~hope you guys enjoy the sunlight as i do here!! :)

birthday~

i have a wonderful birthday celebration yesterday with a person.we went to have hotpot in a restaurant in China Town. i didn't have a birthday party with friends, but still Kin, Jeff and other friends still come to my place wishing me happy birthday!thanks a lot to my friends.i felt surprise because my Beloved Ex-roomate sent me a message from M'sia!!i was really happy and felt so touch because of her~thanks Chook Teng!!!the night before my birthday, he accompanied me and count down for my birthday.i was so happy because he accompanied me for the whole night and gave me a teddy bear as my present.it is so cute and its posture: open up its hands makes me feel like hugging it.it seems like saying: "mama, hug hug!!" because it is black colour, so i called it "o o", meaning "black black" in Hokkien. haha :D
we talked about many things but one of it was talking about how my ex treated me and how was our relationship began.i'm glad that he asked this because he is concerns about my past. of course, there is my turn to ask about his past lo!haha!!he is so adorable and obedient. he told me everything that i asked for. i feel so lucky and contented to look at his face while he was eating. he is just like a child, first time experience to be in love. he also gives me a sense of secure when he told his parents about our relationship. i feel safe and have more confidence in this relationship because i always worry about the long-lasting of our relationship. since he treats me so well, i will appreciate it too.i cooked some food for him because i know him will be very lazy to cook after starcraft 2 published. as expected, he is playing it for the whole day.i'm not angry with him because of his obsession towards the game, surprisingly, i create more space for him to play. i be a messenger to deliver him lunch and dinner that i've cooked. i went back home immediately after seeing him finished the lunch because i don't want to disturb him plays game.
To all my friends who concern me, thanks for all your wishes and i'm feeling great and happy now because i have found a right person who loves me a lot. i've made a new wish yesterday which were hoping for a long-lasting relationship with him and FRIENDSHIPS!!!!

confidence...

Suddenly I feel like I do not belong to the world they were enjoying. I have no memory about my childhood even though I told them that I like reading books when I was young. I don’t have any memory shows what book I like to read or which kind of book I read when I was young. Maybe I lied….i created a “hobby” for my early age. I just know that I used to watch TVB HK drama with family since I have memory. I ignored jy when they were walking back to HUB. I purposely did that because I really didn’t feel like talking to them. They were talking about Disney songs and movies which I didn’t belong to. I believe that there is no fairy tales in the world, as those tales LIE!!!!!! Why must be believe and blissful for living in the world of LIES!?? One reason I ignored him is because I couldn’t fit in their conversation, the other reason is because I’m angry with myself!!!!i angry because I don’t believe on fairy tales…I didn’t like to watch Disney movies because it is full of lies which allow people to live in their imaginations. I’m too realistic because I faced the “ugliness” of this world. The world is very cruel although I’m glad to have jy…but still I’m not secure about our future. He might be one day leave me because he doesn’t love me anymore…I always say my ex jealous when I walked close with other boy is because he has no confidence in himself. But the truth is that I also have no confidence in being a good gf. Now, he is too good for me…he is good in almost everything. I’m stupid, no common knowledge, not good in academic, weak in sports; there is a whole blank in my brain. In short, I’m just 没内涵… I don’t know how long he will still love me with these personalities…

so touch...

Again...he made me feel so touched...he is always the one who helps me whenever i need help especially at the critical moment just like today. no matter is big task or small matter, he is able to help out when i requested for.my tears was circling in my eyes when he helped me on my assignment which was going to due within 15 minutes.i used to find him when i was bored or feel like talking to someone. he always replies me after quite a long time and then i will automatically "disappear" because i dont want to disturb his work. for me, chatting with him is the most blissful moment in my university life. the reason for me always stay online is because i wanted to stay connected with him. i feel so happy seeing his profile picture pops up in my laptop screen although we don't chat that often.at this point, i still have the feeling that i'm dreaming. dreaming of holding hand with him and we laugh sweetly when we see each other. these scenes only appear in my dreams...there is always an instinct feeling asking myself to grab this hand tightly. it may go away if i didn't hold it tightly. i know how lucky i am to have this chance to hold his hand.i must not release it until i leave the world...

cloudy like the sky today...

it has been cloudy for the whole day in Edmonton.my mood for today just like the weather, cloudy and dry...i wasn't sleeping well last night maybe is because i'm quite nervous for this morning's interview in the hospital. luckily the interview went smoothly :) since i wasn't slept well last night, i made him lack of sleep too...i feel so guilty for that. perhaps this is the main reason why i'm moody for the whole day. i shouldn't "stick" with him too much although i miss him always. it is very hard for me to distance him since it was not easy for this relationship to germinate. we're slowly building up the base of this relationship.hopefully everything goes fine :)
in today's english class, we discussed about the "mask". then i realized that actually there are many people wearing their mask in their daily life. i found it very fake and uneasy to pretend. is this the reason for them to protect themselves?? why would them do so?? maybe my heart isn't pure enough, the reason that i can think of is that they are gaining benefit from being wearing the mask. if you know something, why don't you just tell out loud?? pretending to be innocent (or know nothing) is your best way to ignore your responsibilities. you are no longer a kid, you should know that people have no responsibility to help you and he also has his own problem. people, please don't forget to show your gratitude to the people who always help you. don't get me wrong, i'm not the one who help people and hoping for reward. i dislike you for being "INNOCENT" and don't care about the things happening around you!!

感激遇到你

i don't know how to describe me feeling now.it's so sweet and i feel like i don't deserve it. the deeper i know him, the more valiant i think he is. he is such great and nice that makes me feel that i'm very "innocent"- meaning that i know very limited things compared to him. i'm just like a kid when i'm with him. however, his knowledge makes me feel very safe when i'm with him. whenever i have any problem or don't understand something, he will give me answer or if he wasn't sure about that matter, he will seek answer for me. it's too lucky to have him with me. THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!:)
although i had one before, but i've never experienced being treat so right by someone who is not my bf. i just can say that i'm very lucky and appreciate everything i'm having now.hope we can have a positive progression soon:P

moody...

how to say...i really don't know how to describe my feeling now...i'm happy that he told me where he was this morning.but he did not reply me when he has reached NY.i know he is busy with his matters, so i just feel a bit upset. Anyway,just hope that everything goes smoothly for him. Today went to senior's place to have dinner,but i did not talk much in his place. Then everyone knows i'm moody. haiz....why i cannot hide all my expressions?i'm just too true and dont know how to act like nothing happen. i'm moody because i miss him...although i rarely see him,but i will online everyday,hoping that he will find me to chat...I know that's really stupid, is like waiting for something almost impossible. hmm...i'd already used to this feeling already,is just disappointment...well,nevermind,because i know that i can forget him when he is not in Edmonton anymore...at least i will try my best to forget him...at his place, i saw his work on his computer. he had wrote some sort of paperwork, for me, it looks like some journal article. it really impressed me,this is my first time to see his work. i know that he is brilliant in many fields, but this article is his hard work, he must has put a lot of efforts in it. i hope he can get a good grade from this paper. all the best for his future.

the starting of "battle"

now is the time for me to start the battle with myself...but one thing streaming in my mind which makes me hard to focus on studies...i know i shouldn't have that thought in my mind because it will not help me in any way,worse to worse,it might affect my studies. but sometimes this thing also motivates me when i was down. the memories are very sweet (at least it is sweet in my thought), and some are interesting...i realized that i couldn't force myself to forget this, therefore i just accept it and try my best to make it the motivation for me to study. family's support is very important too!!because when i think of them,i will feel warm,just like the lyric below:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aPKgbmcuOMk&feature=PlayList&p=214AE0F0EA17BE9D&playnext_from=PL&index=0&playnext=1
this is really a good song (at least i think the lyrics suits my feeling now in Edmonton.)
i miss him...i really miss him...everyday i'm counting...how many days since i last chatted with him...does he miss him too??but i already know the answer,there is no use to hope or imagine the answer that i want to know...he wont miss me....

Aurora

i couldn't believe that i saw aurora the first time in my life in Elk Island National Park!it was really amazing and beautiful...staring at this phenomena,i couldn't think of anything.my brain was empty and my facial expression filled with jovial!i was very excited and amazed by the scenery in front of me!it was light green with different patterns on the sky.i thought aurora is just a static light shine in the sky,yet i was wrong until i saw it by myself.Aurora was a moving pattern of the light in the night sky.As described by Jeff,it was like a piece of paper waving in the sky.sometimes it shone above the horizontal level of it initial position. then,it faded away from here and move to the other side of the sky...when it had occupied the north part of the sky,it then opened up a channel in the middle part of the sky just like the way we open up a curtain of a window. it was really an amazing night show in the sky!Aurora appeared for about 15 minutes and it just slowly faded away...however, the show will eternally remained in my mind as the most memorable memory in Edmonton!:)
on my way back to campus,i saw the night view of Edmonton.though the blinking roadway decoration and highway lamps were so attractive, yet it still couldn't replace the amazing northen light! it will be the most astonished light show that i have ever seen in my life!i hope i can have another chance to see it again:)

goodbye Chinese New Year

All celebrations for Chinese New Year have completed...now is time to focus on studies.
it was really fun to celebrate festival with a lot of close seniors.it's really feel like a gathering in a family, sit around a round table, chatting, eating and playing cards!!oh~i'm gonna miss this moment very much....felt so warm in my heart,i like this feeling very much...
however, the food for formal dinner was not delicious as i expected...i rather pay the $20 to my seniors and ask them to cook for us.haha!!
ok la,since i didn't take photos with my camera,so i unable to upload it on facebook. hoping that someone will tag me lo...
新年进步!!!

end of story....

i have decided to forget about it before i'm going too deep...
is time to wake up from dream...this story shouldn't have started initially...
maybe i just too lonely at that time,but now i'd used to the loneliness ad...or perhaps,i have accepted Kin as my intimate and i can share my worries with her ad...
anyway,is good to make this decision now,so that i will not get hurt too deeply.
i promise myself i will live happily and forget this story...
be friend is good as friendship will never end...
close file...

random...

i should not be that pessimistic because i'm much luckier than many people...before this, i was complaining about my TA, how bad he was and how ignorant he was...but after listened to other people's complains, i realized that my TA is better than theirs and i know i still can do better next time. this really makes me so relieved because at least i have someone to talk with when i'm down, pissed-off or lonely...
ok la,that's what i want to share today:)

"just let it be" is just an alibi to face it...

the starting of new semester indicates the starting of my nightmares...i just putting too much stress on myself because this new semester gonna be a hard term...although i have other thing bothering me,yet i keep avoiding not to think about that as i'd already have many things to think about.i'm not sure whether i'm doing it right (avoiding some problem that i'm afraid to face), but what i can do now is just keep that away from my thought and try to be relax.
i did something that i've never do before.for some reasons,i don't know whether it is worth to do this,but i will continue until i'm done with what i'm doing now.
wish me luck and i will try to be happy :)

after the break

It's been a while from previous blog.I'd used the X'mas break efficiently to relax and do the things that i like.i've fully charged from this break and going to face the challenges fro this new semester.i know it's gonna be a hard term,yet, i just hope i can cope with it as i know anyway i still have to face this for the rest of my study years...5 courses in a term shouldn't be that hard as many people also can cope with it,it is just that i'm not the one who can do well in each course.haha
there are a lot of things happen during the X'mas break, such as learn to ski,knitting and skating.hmm...the happiest thing is that i can sleep soundly during the break,that supplied me with energy to go out everyday!! :P
ok,i got to continue my work lo,if got time,i will update my blog ya!
take care guys:)