confidence...

Suddenly I feel like I do not belong to the world they were enjoying. I have no memory about my childhood even though I told them that I like reading books when I was young. I don’t have any memory shows what book I like to read or which kind of book I read when I was young. Maybe I lied….i created a “hobby” for my early age. I just know that I used to watch TVB HK drama with family since I have memory. I ignored jy when they were walking back to HUB. I purposely did that because I really didn’t feel like talking to them. They were talking about Disney songs and movies which I didn’t belong to. I believe that there is no fairy tales in the world, as those tales LIE!!!!!! Why must be believe and blissful for living in the world of LIES!?? One reason I ignored him is because I couldn’t fit in their conversation, the other reason is because I’m angry with myself!!!!i angry because I don’t believe on fairy tales…I didn’t like to watch Disney movies because it is full of lies which allow people to live in their imaginations. I’m too realistic because I faced the “ugliness” of this world. The world is very cruel although I’m glad to have jy…but still I’m not secure about our future. He might be one day leave me because he doesn’t love me anymore…I always say my ex jealous when I walked close with other boy is because he has no confidence in himself. But the truth is that I also have no confidence in being a good gf. Now, he is too good for me…he is good in almost everything. I’m stupid, no common knowledge, not good in academic, weak in sports; there is a whole blank in my brain. In short, I’m just 没内涵… I don’t know how long he will still love me with these personalities…

so touch...

Again...he made me feel so touched...he is always the one who helps me whenever i need help especially at the critical moment just like today. no matter is big task or small matter, he is able to help out when i requested for.my tears was circling in my eyes when he helped me on my assignment which was going to due within 15 minutes.i used to find him when i was bored or feel like talking to someone. he always replies me after quite a long time and then i will automatically "disappear" because i dont want to disturb his work. for me, chatting with him is the most blissful moment in my university life. the reason for me always stay online is because i wanted to stay connected with him. i feel so happy seeing his profile picture pops up in my laptop screen although we don't chat that often.at this point, i still have the feeling that i'm dreaming. dreaming of holding hand with him and we laugh sweetly when we see each other. these scenes only appear in my dreams...there is always an instinct feeling asking myself to grab this hand tightly. it may go away if i didn't hold it tightly. i know how lucky i am to have this chance to hold his hand.i must not release it until i leave the world...