i'm still a coward...

another incident that showed my personality happened today...i really didn't expect to face my fear in this situation...it was really so scare...i thought i will be able to overcome my fear of blood,but i failed...it was really a deadly-injured person laid in front of me and i just act like didn't see him. i really do so because i don't want to think of other thing that will make me weak. However, i am still the coward...i can't face my fear although i tried so hard to forget that. feel so bad... there was 1 second that think of my father....he is just not as lucky as the man...just don't want to think about this....is all over.....i hate myself being so weak!!!!!!!how to be brave???where to find courageous??

i failed in every part of my life,every field...i just want to be a normal person that do not have very high education and just lead a normal life.why is studies so tiring???why i cant give up??i think i know the answer...is just "what i know"...