the end of midterm in my 1st year studies...

Huh!!really have to take a deep breath!!finally is the end of midterms...however, this also indicates that now is the time to start working on final exam already... After the exam yesterday,me and Kin went to senior's house to celebrate this great relieve =P Also,feel glad because i no need to cook also can eat homemade food!!yeah~~they really can cook and i think it suits my stomach:) (hehe...usually my stomach is very picky de...) This really makes me feel so touch...It has really been awhile did not eat home-cooked food already. So glad and grateful to have seniors here, especially thanks Jun Yong and Yong Kai :) Well...of cause cant forget thanks Wei Leong, although there was a minor failure in cooking the rice Erm....maybe i should have taken some pictures of the food...hehe...I wish i can have more chance to try homemade food:) hmmnn~~

i'm still a coward...

another incident that showed my personality happened today...i really didn't expect to face my fear in this situation...it was really so scare...i thought i will be able to overcome my fear of blood,but i failed...it was really a deadly-injured person laid in front of me and i just act like didn't see him. i really do so because i don't want to think of other thing that will make me weak. However, i am still the coward...i can't face my fear although i tried so hard to forget that. feel so bad... there was 1 second that think of my father....he is just not as lucky as the man...just don't want to think about this....is all over.....i hate myself being so weak!!!!!!!how to be brave???where to find courageous??

i failed in every part of my life,every field...i just want to be a normal person that do not have very high education and just lead a normal life.why is studies so tiring???why i cant give up??i think i know the answer...is just "what i know"...

result: Failed...

how can i tell everyone that i feel so sad??i just cant do it...
how many times i tell myself have to work hard,and how many times i give myself chances to work better for the next exam...i just tried so hard to console myself that i can do better so that i can feel better.i also tried to sacrifice my sleeping time to do what i should do. i must fully use my time to study, but i do spend time on meals. i have got back the midterm for chemistry...not suprising that i failed in the test. about my feeling....i don't know how to describe...is like you have already predict something and the thing becomes true...feel like nothing,no sadness... sometimes i wish i have no feeling (i'm trying hard to become a robot since i have sensed the pain of becoming a human). how good if i have no feeling, everything is not my business, do not need to attact people's attraction or concern. failed in the exam already a fact that can't be change anymore. people might ask me not to be sad, and don't worry, i did.in fact, i didn't feel sad now although i know i failed. what to say...is i know i MUST do well in the next midterm. i already have nothing to lose...but i know i will not lose my friends,thanks guys.i have no courage to tell everyone about my sadness of failure,but i will keep this blog.i just wonder how come will have people want to read my blog,as this is nothing you can learn from me...i bring nothing to the world,i did not contribute anything to my friends or even to my family...i'm sorry if i upset anyone who read my blog...sorry...